Many sensitive, empathic people may wanting a romantic partner, yet remain single for years
Intuitive Psychiatrist Judith Orloff writes:
Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn’t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes.
In my practice and workshops I’ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call “emotional empaths” come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years.
Or else they’re in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn’t simply that “there aren’t enough emotionally available people ‘out there,’” nor is their burnout “neurotic.”
Personally and professionally, I’ve discovered that something more is going on.
Emotional empaths are a species unto themselves.
Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be hard to take, may cause us to bolt.
Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space.
We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five.
Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed.
Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live.
Read more (including a section: Tips for empaths to feel at ease in a relationship) in her article: “Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work” at drjudithorloff.com – click on the Articles & Quizzes tab.
Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life.
The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD.
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The Unhealthy Attraction Between Empaths & Narcissists
4 Ways to Break Up with a Narcissist
From article by Judith Orloff
In my psychiatric practice I’ve seen how hard it is for my patients to break up with a partner who’s a narcissist. Narcissists can make you fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you’re giving up a part of your heart to leave them. And they use every manipulation in the book to get you to stay.
On the surface narcissists can seem charming, intelligent, caring—knowing how to entice and lure their way back into your life. But once they reel you back then they revert to their egotistical selves.
Their motto will always be “Me First!” Everything’s all about them.
They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention.
They can also be highly intuitive, but use their intuition for self-interest and manipulation.
Narcissists are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love.
Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually.
(The damage of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly detailed in Alice Miller’s book Drama of the Gifted Child).
Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them.
To find out if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, ask yourself the following questions from my book, Emotional Freedom :
QUIZ: HAVE I BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST?
- Does the person act as if life revolves around him?
- Do I have to compliment him to get his attention or approval?
- Does he constantly steer the conversation back to himself?
- Does he downplay my feelings or interests?
- If I disagree, does he become cold or withholding?
If you answer “yes” to one or two questions, it’s likely you’re dealing with a narcissist. Responding “yes” to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is violating your emotional freedom.
Read the rest of the article “4 Ways to Break Up with a Narcissist” at drjudithorloff.com – click on the Articles & Quizzes tab.
[Painting: Narcissus by Caravaggio, gazing at his own reflection. From Wikipedia article: Narcissistic personality disorder.]
Everyone can have difficulties with relationships, but being a highly sensitive person can bring additional challenges.
Elaine N. Aron, PhD is one of the leading writers and researchers on the personality trait of high sensitivity (sensory processing sensitivity) and how it affects us as highly sensitive people or HSPs.
She said in an interview about her book The Highly Sensitive Person In Love that people with more sensitive and excitable constitutions and personalities “need help with intimacy.” She explains:
Continued in article Relationships and Highly Sensitive People – which includes information about programs by psychologist and relationship expert Margaret Paul.
Photo at top: Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation.
Johansson has said, “I think I was born with a great awareness of my surroundings and an awareness of other people. I know when I really connect with somebody…
“Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”
Quote also used in my article:
Relationships can be challenging for highly sensitive people.
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