Learning to live with social anxiety

According to a news story, “Shyness was an ongoing problem for Chris Cooper… While studying at the University of Missouri, he vowed to get ‘unblocked.’

“Taking dance classes at nearby Stephens College, he was one of only three men amid a roomful of women… Acting was another means of expression — ‘theater, as therapy,’ he says. [From the page Introversion / shyness 2]

Shyness, social anxiety, social phobia, introversion – one of the problems in using these labels about ourselves is they are often too unspecific and relative: shy compared with whom? How anxious, for how long, in what situations?

Many people avoid crowds or social contacts that are too anxiety producing. But if this kind of anxiety is overly self-limiting, holding us back from expressing our talents, there are ways to deal with it.

Many actors and other artists have pushed through fear to perform, and, like Cooper, report that it helps.

And many people make use of various kinds of therapy, anxiety relief programs, or take herbal supplements.

Author Jonathan Berent writes, “Over the years, in working with thousands of people who call themselves shy,’ I have come to realize that this word is too general to be of much help in identifying a problem and solving it.

“The actual response to the stress of interaction is called social anxiety.

“Of course, just as one person might say he is ‘a little shy around women’ and another might say she is ‘extremely shy about speaking in front of a group,’ it is also true that there is a wide spectrum of social anxiety, from mild nervousness all the way to social phobia, in which interaction-related anxiety is so extreme that a person actually avoids the specific situations that cause it.”

From his book: Beyond Shyness : How to Conquer Social Anxieties.

Therapist Robin Bilazarian, LCSW uses the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) approach for a number of issues, including social anxiety.

She describes how much impact anxiety can have: “They fear being scrutinized and judged harshly, seeing others as a social threat. They do not trust their bodies to be calm in these events.

“It limits casual, spontaneous interactions and prohibits them from attending social gatherings. They fear any performance situation. Even riding the bus, eating in a restaurant or attending a movie can be feared.

“The anxiety can be specific as in public speaking or pervasive — severely limiting most social interaction. They approach benign social interaction with the same trepidation as facing a firing squad.

“Limited social interactions have a cumulative effect that they do not develop competent social skills, are keenly aware of this and thus feel even more vulnerable and defenseless.”

She writes about working with clients using EFT: “Initially, I explore their first or worst memory of when they felt this early in their life. I remember working with a delightful young woman who was too shy to date and did not see herself for the beauty she was. Said with many tears, she had accepted she would always be alone.

“She remembered being rejected by a boy she liked in middle school. After quickly discussing how a young boy may not be the most stable person to obtain a lifetime opinion of one’s self, we used EFT to defuse this. Her laughing demeanor after EFT highlighted a definite and liberating shift had occurred.”

Bilazarian also helped four “petrified brides” by using EFT “to clear and calm every aspect of their wedding, i.e. walking down the aisle with EVERYONE staring at them, saying their vows aloud, the father-daughter dance, etc.

“They had wonderful times at their weddings and continue to use EFT in their lives.”

From article: Using EFT for Social Anxiety Disorder.

[Painting by De Es Schwertberger - related book: Heavy Light.]

Related Talent Development Resources pages:
Anxiety articles
Anxiety Relief Solutions

social phobia, anxiety relief products, social anxiety, anxiety and high sensitivity, programs for anxiety relief